Benign neglect

Nigel Latta outlines how to be a "bad parent" in this week's Listener. Mostly I agree with his thesis that we currently over-parent our children and that we perceive risks where there are few, and that risk-taking might be life-enhancing rather than life-endangering.

I've always said that benign neglect is the best form of parenting. "Go outside and play" is a phrase we don't hear enough. The best learning I did as a child was when I was outside playing. And there were risks, and not everything I did was good, or good for me, but all the experiences taught me something I couldn't learn at home, or from my parents.

We must give those with responsibility for children more freedom to allow children to take reasonable risks with the understanding that getting hurt is a part of growing up. This has always been part of wise parenting, but it is wisdom we've lost.

Today while I was at Riverside Pool a number of parents were taking their toddlers swimming, and good on them. I worry about the intensity of the interactions though, which seem one-sided, and the anxiety. We all need to relax a bit.

I also liked what Latta said about how the local school did him no harm and that his parents just assumed that was where he would go and that they spent no time even thinking about it. Parent's school anxiety is such a waste of effort, and money. Sometimes choice can be a very bad thing. We don't need to control everything, in fact it is not good for us or our children.